"All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good"

My last post was a little pep talk I've been giving myself, trying to convince myself to stay positive, but I'm starting to crack a little. So, rather than emotionally vomiting all over my husband (who already has more than enough to deal with), I will vomit here. I just can't keep it in any longer.

Just a few days ago I received some pretty devastating news. Not the most devastating news I've ever received in my life, but definitely in the top 5: My husband lost his job. Now, I know this has become incredibly commonplace. We have all heard it, from neighbors, friends, even family members. So many people are dealing with this. It has been reduced to a number bantered about by politicians to further their own agendas. In fact, we have heard it so much that it has lost its full emotional weight. . . .until it is you. When it is you, the floor falls out from under you, the walls cave in on top of you, and you just don't know if you can breathe and you fear that you'll never be able to breathe again.

Perhaps I am overreacting. I know that there are far worse trials in life. I feel grateful that my most devastating life's experiences, are still rather low on the devastation richter scale. I'm glad we are only mourning a job. But, our life has been turned upside down. We never expected this. I don't even know how to begin to rebuild. My husband has put his heart and soul, not to mention a ridiculous number of hours, into this company. He was with this company for 9 years, was the #2 guy in management, and then one day, they just "let him go." Suddenly, we are faced with the reality that he is 31 years old, with only a high school education, looking for a job in a job-starved world, with the reality that he will most likely not be able to walk into a job making the salary he was making before.

I think of the time he forfeited, working 60 hours a week, investing in this company when perhaps he should have taken the time instead to get his degree, and invest in himself. But, I am also grateful for the opportunities he had at this company to discover so many talents and abilities that he might not have been able to utilize anywhere else. So, I can't be completely angry. I can't place all the blame on "them." And sometimes that sucks, too. You know, being reasonable, trying to see clearly, trying to keep the anger and the hurt and the sheer terror at bay.

Yes, the terror. How I am fighting with fear right now! I'm sure my husband is too, though he's not one to ever let on. He's so positive and hopeful. I have never had to worry if we would have enough money to pay the bills. I have never not had money for milk, or diapers, or medicine. And now I wonder if it could possibly come to that. My husband assures me, as hopeful as ever, that it won't. But, will there not be enough money for preschool, for my new shoes, for the occasional movie. . .yes, it is quite likely that there won't be enough for those.

Though I am mourning income, the dream of a bigger house, and perhaps cable television--heaven forbid it comes to that ;), I am also rejoicing in the love and mercy of the Lord. Although we didn't see this coming, He, in his infinite omniscience, did. The Lord has protected us so much from the full weight of this blow. It wasn't quite a year ago that we went to a Dave Ramsey event, and were inspired to get our house in order. Dave Ramsey didn't teach us anything that the prophets haven't already been teaching forever. But, we finally got it through our heads. So we have spent the last year getting completely out of debt (except for our mortgage), mastering a written budget, and funding our emergency fund with 6 months worth of expenses. WOW! What an incredible blessing it is! So, at least, for now I know that we can keep the lights on and the children fed.

I want to TESTIFY to anyone who will listen, do not delay, do not make excuses, follow the counsel of the prophets and FIRST and always, pay a full tithe, SECOND, get out of debt immediately, THIRD Live within your means--and I have learned that there is no substitute for a written budget, FOURTH, save money--at least 3 months of living expenses (although now I'm realizing that you can never have too much savings at a time like this), and FIFTH, store food.

My testimony of these principles has been greatly amplified by this experience. I feel so grateful to have not only some money to help us survive, but also some valuable skills (like budgeting, meal planning, Christmas planning, etc). I wish I had some skills that could actually make us some money, but these will have to do. :) And even more importantly than my skills, is the testimony I have that we can now turn to the Lord, in full confidence, and tell Him that we have done everything we can do, and now we need Him to make up the difference. And I know He will. Whatever that means.

I am grateful for this reminder of our dependence on the Lord. I am grateful that I have been shaken out of my complaisance and that I am reaching for the Lord in the way that I only do in times of trial.

I am hoping that it won't be too long until we look back at this as perhaps one of the best opportunities of our life. That we will grow in ways that, although,we never would've signed up for, will make us become who the Lord wants us to be. Perhaps it will take us to places we never would've gone on our own, but where the Lord wants us to go.

So, again, to reiterate the words of President Hinckley: It will all work out. But, also, in President Hinckley's words, I must "say that to myself every morning." And so the journey begins. . .

And as uncomfortable and humiliating as this is to share, particularly for my very private husband, we are looking to all our dear friends and family to help us in our search for employment. My husband is so bright and talented. His experience and abilities include management, sales, training and overseeing sales and service technicians, he has extensive experience with graphic design, marketing and advertising. We are open to just about everything at this point (except network marketing, so don't even approach us with your great"opportunity", and "residual income"). ;) Please keep us in your thoughts. The Lord works in mysterious ways, so you never know who, how, or when something might help.