Photo Shoot

I know it's risky handing over my camera to my children, but sometimes I let them take pictures around the house. I do trust my 5 year old enough to let him take an occasional shot (as long as it is indoors, away from any water sources) and I let my 3 year old also have a turn, mostly so that he will stop screaming "It's not fair" after I let his older brother have a turn.
So here is some of their work:

Photos by Gavin:

Photos by Nick:

Nick already has his own unique signature--the finger on the left side.

My camera survived, and I think it is kind of cute. However, I did not include the various pictures they took of their bunkbeds, their toys, the street in front of our home, and Gavin's favorite subject--the family pictures on the wall. I guess he figures it's easier to take pictures of pictures of Nick and Ruby, because at least the pictures hold still.

Never too old for Halloween!

I love Halloween! When I was a kid my parents HATED Halloween so much, that we were not allowed to dress up or go trick or treating. Instead we would go out and do an activity together as a family. I have some fond memories with my family, but I have been a little Halloween deprived over the years. In fact, I have probably only dressed up on Halloween a total of 10 times in my life. But, in the last few years I have decided that I LOVE it when adults dress up on Halloween. I have to give big props to the parents who coordinate a whole family theme for costumes. I have decided I want to be a fun Mom who dresses up on Halloween. My kids loved it--even though they had no idea who Michael Jackson was. I loved it, too. ( It gave me a chance to break out some of my moves that haven't seen the light of day in at least 10 years.) So, MJ is my personal favorite costume to date.

Another Halloween classic was when Janey, my little sister, and I dressed up as each other for Halloween.
I was trying to make fun of her and what I dubbed her "Grandpa-chic" style. But, everyone kept telling me all night how cute I looked! Doh! It figures, Janey's always been cuter than me.

Okay so back to Halloween '09. Gavin is Luke Skywalker. This costume was thrown together with things almost entirely from my wardrobe. I'm all about the throw-together, no sewing, no money costumes. (ala, MJ.)

He wanted a picture at every different stage of the light saber's unleashing. This isn't the full light saber glory, but I just love how serious he's taking it!

All the pictures of Super Nick were blurry, because he was so busy posing and "flying" that he wouldn't hold still long enough to get a good picture. This was a borrowed costume, so again, love the $0 pricetag. (Dave Ramsey should be so proud.)

I was going to throw together a flower costume, of sorts for baby girl. But, then found a $6 pink leopard costume Halloween day, and decided it would be less hassle and possibly warmer. I didn't even think to draw a nose or whiskers or anything, but she kept the hat on longer than expected, so it was all good. It won't be long before she wants to be a fairy, or princess, and the costumes will cost more than $6. . .so I decided to slack while I can still get away with it. :)

It has become Halloween tradition that my BFF and I get our kids together and go trick or treating in my old neighborhood (where BFF currently lives, across the street from my parents). Again, blurry pictures. Either my camera was on the wrong setting, or everyone was too excited to hold still.

So Halloween was fun. The trick or treating only lasted for about a block before my two littlest ones burnt out. I wish I would've trick or treated in my own hood (ward boundaries), I love my old neighborhood, but it isn't home to me anymore. Also, I wanted to see more of my friends in costumes. (I hope they all dressed up and felt as dorky, and awesome, as I did.)

What a Difference a Decade Makes

Ten years ago today I was in a life-altering car crash. I was driving home from BYU and was driving through a green light at an intersection and another car coming the opposite direction decided to make a left turn directly into my car. They were old people, so I don't know whether they just didn't see my car, or they had meant to turn much sooner and their reflexes were dangerously slow, because they turned so late that they hit me nearly head-on, and it made my car spin almost 180 degrees in the opposite direction.

I jumped out of the car, very much in shock, because I was running through a very busy highway, trying to tell people that we really needed to move my car out of the way because it was going to back up traffic. I don't remember all the details. I remember crying when they took the old people away in stretchers (even though it wasn't my fault.) I remember having to call my Dad and tell him his car was totaled. Everyone kept asking me if I was okay, because the crash was pretty hairy. But, I felt okay. I was scared half to death, but I didn't feel any pain--yet.

It wasn't until about 3 days later that I really felt the pain. The worst pain I had ever felt in my life (I hadn't been through childbirth at that point). Whiplash kind of has a bad reputation as being a "fake" injury, but it is no joke. The pain was so bad that it made me nauseous, it made me vomit, I had muscle spasms, vertigo, pain on the left side of my body that quite literally went from my head to my toes.

And the pain didn't go away, I tried resting for awhile, I tried physical therapy, chiropractics, and the pain just wouldn't go away. I couldn't sleep well, and I was exhausted all the time. I had to drop out of school--I was starting the program to be a Seminary teacher that semester--I also had to quit my job. Weeks went by and I was still in pain, becoming a pitiful lump of a person, and then months went by. My parents were so annoyed, wanting me to get better, get a job, and move out of the house.

I couldn't do it. There were times when I wanted to die, so I wouldn't be in pain anymore. I became so depressed because no one could see my injuries, no casts, no surgeries, and yet the pain was unbearable. I would try to get a job, and I wouldn't be able to meet the demands of the job, so I would I would have to quit. I felt my dreams slipping away, I lost my hobbies, and I saw a life of chronic pain stretching out before me.

After many months, I started being treated at the University of Utah pain management clinic. No one could fix me, there was no cure so I had to deal with chronic pain. Treatments included physical therapy; epidurrals and "trigger point injections"(which means a course of about 20 shots each week); Psychotherapy for the depression; hypnosis and relaxation therapy, etc., etc. This went on for over a year, and I began learning how to deal with my "illness", I began planning a life around pain.

There were many blessings that also came out of this time in my life. I couldn't pursue my academics or my career path, so instead I worked on my spirituality. I had some amazing spiritual experiences during this time, sometimes they say that physical weakness can make you more sensitive to the things of the spirit, and I also prepared myself to go through the temple. That was perhaps the greatest thing that came out of this time. Not working or going to school allowed time for me to attend the temple once a week. The temple was my greatest source of strength and peace during those times.

Also, I was very humbled. I had always been such a kn0w-it-all, so judgmental, had my college and career path all planned, and I came to realize how little I actually knew about life.

In my personal life, my dating experiences had been mostly negative up to that point. I had begun to become very negative and "bitter", and kind of a man hater. After my accident, I was quite literally softened by my hard times. I was battered to the point that my rough edges were wearing off. I mellowed out, and despite my discouragements became less cynical. Undoubtedly that is what prepared me to meet my now husband. We met about 9 months after my car accident. I was much more loving (no more man-hating) and more loveable.

My husband married me despite my health problems--knowing full well that I might struggle with pain my whole life. That I would probably never hold a full-time job, and that there would be days that I might lie in bed the whole day. Wow--he must have really loved me. For the first year of our marriage, my health actually got much worse and I got sick with other problems.

It wasn't until nearly 3 years after my car accident that I started to be somewhat "normal" again. I began to work part-time at a job I loved. I had tried to return to school after we were first married and, even when my health started to improve, it didn't feel right. For some reason I felt that it was the right thing for me to drop out, and I'm still waiting for the right time to go back and finish. (30 credits away from graduating.)

It has taken me years to get where I am today. There have been problems that have come up over the years (ie. TMJ) that have been painful and annoying, which they attribute to the damage to my neck in the accident.

But, honestly, I feel so blessed today. I am healthier and stronger than I have been in years! I thought my life would be filled with chronic pain, and that everything I ever did, or wanted to do, would have to be managed around pain and limitations. I can now do ANYTHING I want. I do yoga, I play basketball, I dance--not very well--I cook, clean, and balance the budget, I take care of 3 kids, and the only thing stopping me is laziness--not pain.

I feel so blessed that I never got hooked on pain medication. At that time Oxycontin was a popular treatment for chronic pain issues, and I am so glad I never even tried the stuff. I have seen many people, who are in very real pain, make life even worse because of addiction to it.

I ran on the treadmill today and I felt so FREE. It took me probably 4 years after the accident before my muscles could take high impact activity like running without the pain becoming debilitating. I am so grateful to be able to run today--not so grateful that I want to run for very long, but grateful nonetheless. :)

My life is so much better than I thought it would be 9 years ago. It reminds me to live it to the fullest. My only limitations now are self-imposed.

My heart goes out to anyone in pain--physical or emotional. Chronic pain is very real and very devastating. Sometimes there is pain that is so hard to see or understand, and I know how it feels to have everyone looking down on you because they "think you should be better by now." This is also true of depression.

So, I'm also grateful for the sympathy and compassion that my accident instilled in me. I'm not perfect, undoubtedly I'm still more judgmental than I should be, but my soul was changed by my trial--hopefully changed for the better. Hopefully I am more equipped to "lift up the hands that hang down" and "strengthen the feeble knees."

I truly know that I was very literally healed by my faith in the Savior. I don't mean to imply that people who are in chronic pain don't have enough faith. But, for me, it has been testified to me by the Spirit that because I had faith to be healed, a gift of the Spirit, I was healed. There was a time when I thought that I might never be fully, physically healed. . .but my soul was healed, and the pain in my heart was relieved.

For the times when I was discouraged and in pain, and the times now when I feel weak and inadequate and my soul is pained, I think of the scripture story of the man whose child was suffering, nearly unto death, and he desires the Savior to heal his child. The Lord teaches, "All things are possible to him that believeth" and the father in total desperation and ultimate humility, in tears cries out "Lord, I believe. Help thou mine unbelief."

My faith and my life's experiences (particularly the hard ones) have taught me that all things are possible through the Savior, and I pray for my own unbelief and pray that I will be strengthened in my faith to turn to Him whenever I need healing. And I need healing often. We all do.

Frosting Face

It's been a little while, but I gotta post the pictures of Ruby's first birthday celebration. It wasn't much of a celebration. I know that it was her first birthday, and I should have made a big deal of it, but I didn't want to spend any money and I didn't feel like doing a big party, (and I knew Ruby wouldn't care either way) so, all we did was have cake with Grandma and Grandpa. All we really wanted was to see Ruby cover herself in cake.

Mike decorated the cake, of course, but he's not really that thrilled with flowers and butterflies. I think it was pretty cute, despite the fact that Mike wasn't that into it, and all I could find in Wal-mart was petal pink and pale yellow decorating frosting--not what my creative vision had called for.

Getting ready for the party.

She's so embarrassed to be the center of attention.

Not sure what Grandpa's doing here. I just had to document it, because he is always making a fool of himself to get Ruby to crack a smile. I love it!

She preferred this butterfly cookie rather than cake.

Feeling the guilt that inevitably follows after making a pig of yourself! ;)

Happy Birthday, to my baby girl who won't be a baby much longer. ( I wonder how long it will be until she asks for a Princess-themed birthday?)

Big Girl

Yesterday was my sweet baby's birthday. We haven't celebrated yet, so stay tuned for the baby attacking the birthday cake type pictures. But, I still had to take a minute to pause and reflect on the fact that my baby, the last baby I plan to have, will not be a baby much longer. In fact, she started taking her first steps during her birthday week. Yay!

She's adorable and I think she just gets cuter and more fun everyday. I'd take a busy, trouble-making 1 year old over a newborn anyday! Oh man, I may regret that I said that here in a few more weeks because this child is quickly turning into a terror.

These pictures were all taken on the day of her birthday--she had a very busy day.

Climbing on something precarious (one of her favorite tricks), and yes it often ends with her falling on her head.

I think I have a picture of each one of my babies sitting on the dishwasher. They love it. But, she is the first to ignore my "no, no's" and actually have the audacity to stand up and dance on it. She thought she was hot stuff. She found a stage for her booty shakin'.

Big girl carseat, facing forward. And yet she still screams whenever I put her in her carseat.

Unloading the dressers quickly (and constantly), oops she knows she's busted!

Relaxing with Daddy.

So, it's official my baby's a toddler. The boys think it is so exciting and they cheer wildly whenever she tries to walk (which actually makes her fall down.) She is already lots of fun, and lots of trouble, I'm already worrying that she won't like me when she's a teenager. So glad she's in our family.

Thank you, Don!

A producer at KUTV2 news gave us tickets to the "Greatest Show on Earth", probably because my kids are the sweetest, most adorable kids on the whole earth! Okay, really the producer is my brother-in-law, who could get tickets for free from the station, and he is just a really thoughtful guy who knew my kids would love it. Uncle Don is now a hero to 4 little boys, and 2 moms, because we all had a blast. . .made even more wonderful by the fact that it was free.

I have never been to the circus before, and I thought it was amazing.

One of the most amazing things about the circus, was that it held my kids' attention for 2 1/2 hours.

The kids loved the animal acts the most. Nick also really loved the dogs doing tricks, despite the fact that he HATES dogs in every day life. Nick said, his favorite part was the "Fwoo Whoo" part, whatever that means. I think the two older boys understood how scary, and incredible it is that one guy can be in the same cage with 8 tigers, basically dancing with them.

However, I think it was the Moms who were really wowed by the acrobats, the tight-rope walkers, and whatever these are called pictured below. I'm not sure the kids completely understood how freakin' amazing these people are. Maybe a little, though, because I asked Gavin if he wanted to be in the circus when he grows up and he said, "No way! I'm not going way up there." (Referring to the tight rope.)

I don't know what it was about this act, but it made me really jump. I don't know if he was just hamming it up for the show, but one guy seemed to nearly lose his balance and fall off several times. Crazy!
And of course, every circus must have clowns. These were by far the cutest ones!
Thanks again, Uncle Don, you rock! Please remember how cute and adorable and appreciative these kids are whenever tickets for free events come your way! ;)

Father's and Sons Campout

So I'm about a week late in posting this, but it was a big deal for our family. Mike took our sons on their first ever father's and sons campout. It was a big hit! The weekend before the campout, Mike and the boys (and the neighbor boys) had a trial run campout in our backyard. It went well, the boys slept through the night, so they were ready to attempt a real, legit campout.

Not only was this their first father's and sons campout, but it was really their first time camping EVER. I think it went really well. Although, I think at one point our 3 year old got lost in the woods (not kidding) a detail which Mike downplayed. Mike wasn't too worried about it, since they weren't exactly camping in a remote area and there were several wards camping in the vicinity. He wasn't the only kid who got lost (albeit for a short amount of time), so I guess that's just what happens when the Dads are in charge.

It went smoothly enough that Mike wants to make it an annual tradition. In fact, I think he'd like to camp even more often than that. Now that our boys are getting old enough for more adventure. Good thing he has two sons then, so I can send them all off camping. Because, I gotta admit, I'm really not that fond of camping.

My Dad asked my sons how the campout went, and Nick said, "It was so awesome. We got to pee in a bottle!" I guess that was the highlight. Mike had brought bottles into the tent, so they wouldn't have to hike down to the bathrooms at night. I think that is why men like camping and the mountains so much, so they can just pee anywhere with reckless abandon.

Now, I really need to give credit to my Man where credit is due. Sometimes he amazes me with his patience. I fully expected him and the boys to be tired and cranky the next day and for Mike to be ready for a break from father/son bonding time. But, to my surprise he decided to take them (and the neighbor kids) to the Comic book shop for some special event right after they returned from the campout. WOW! Impressive.
Here's Gavin with "Spiderman" at the comic book shop. Did you know that Spiderman has a daughter? She's kind of a diva, because she demanded to be in every kid's picture with Spiderman.

Needless to say, it was a great weekend for the boys. And me. ;)