Regular, ol' ME

I used to consider myself a Type A personality. Or a "red" on the color coded personality test. But, ever since 01/01/10 came and went and I realized that I am completely fine with not setting any New Year's resolutions, I have determined once and for all that I am not really that driven. I'm not an overachiever. . .I am very content to be mediocre.

My oldest sister just started Graduate school in Marriage and Family Therapy online this semester. Yes, the same sister who has 7 children, two of which are adopted from Africa, whose husband just returned from a year in Afghanistan, and who is working on moving to Korea. No one is driven, like this woman is driven.

And then there is my younger sister who lived in Russia for a year, speaks fluent Russian, finished her Bachelor's and started graduate school all while she was pregnant and now continues her schooling with baby in tow. Yep, she's amazing too.

But, I don't feel jealous of them at all. Marriage and Family Therapy is even where my career path was heading before I dropped out of school, and yet it doesn't even spark anything in me at all. I am close to finishing my Bachelor's degree and yet I still have not felt that it was right for me to try to finish. I am not driven at all, at least not right now, to finish my degree.

I may be the least driven Top sister, but I don't think I'm lazy or unmotivated, I'm just not necessarily the type of personality who is always doing something--training for a triathlon, writing a novel, going to Grad school, being PTA president, starting a business, etc. etc.

I'm quite content in being ordinary. I kind of like still living in the same town, merely blocks from my parents, and staying at home with my children, and being my husband's wife, and occasionally I get ambitious enough to redecorate a room, but I'm pretty simple.

The up side of being very ordinary is that I don't have any major problems or drama either. I may not have an exciting life, but I do sometimes feel like my life is charmed. I have great parents and siblings, and I have a great husband and kids. (I even like my in-laws.) I am healthy, my kids are healthy, my husband has a job, we have what we need, and we're happy. In fact, my problems are so few that I get to expend way too much energy on problems like, "my nose is too big", "my house is too small", "I wonder if that person likes me", and other such trivial things.

I wish I could do all of my learning and growing without any pain, trials, and tragedy, but I'm beginning to wonder if, perhaps, in some ways people with pretty big burdens to bear are ultimately, in the eternal sense, better off than I am. If in their need they have come to know the Lord in ways I can't even comprehend.

I guess there's nothing wrong with being ordinary, with being content to be just a Mom, or just a wife, unless it is keeping me from having the EXTRAORDINARY testimony I desire. I want to be more driven, at least insofar as it pushes me to dig a little deeper, to "lengthen my stride", to serve more, to love more, to reach outside of myself more, to have a desire to learn more, and ultimately to turn to the Lord more.

So, I guess I do have a New Year's resolution after all. I mean, but only because I happened to have this epiphany while it is still January. So, my new motto is "Dig a little deeper." I want to dig deeper in everything--my study of the scriptures, my prayers, my service to others, my friendships, politics, my relationships with my children, and the list could go on. It applies to anything. I want to do more and become more.

I am too complaisant and too comfortable in my own complaisance. So, it's time for me to get a little more driven. I want to find my passion, my talents, and ultimately, hopefully my potential.