Photo Shoot

I know it's risky handing over my camera to my children, but sometimes I let them take pictures around the house. I do trust my 5 year old enough to let him take an occasional shot (as long as it is indoors, away from any water sources) and I let my 3 year old also have a turn, mostly so that he will stop screaming "It's not fair" after I let his older brother have a turn.
So here is some of their work:

Photos by Gavin:

Photos by Nick:

Nick already has his own unique signature--the finger on the left side.

My camera survived, and I think it is kind of cute. However, I did not include the various pictures they took of their bunkbeds, their toys, the street in front of our home, and Gavin's favorite subject--the family pictures on the wall. I guess he figures it's easier to take pictures of pictures of Nick and Ruby, because at least the pictures hold still.

Never too old for Halloween!

I love Halloween! When I was a kid my parents HATED Halloween so much, that we were not allowed to dress up or go trick or treating. Instead we would go out and do an activity together as a family. I have some fond memories with my family, but I have been a little Halloween deprived over the years. In fact, I have probably only dressed up on Halloween a total of 10 times in my life. But, in the last few years I have decided that I LOVE it when adults dress up on Halloween. I have to give big props to the parents who coordinate a whole family theme for costumes. I have decided I want to be a fun Mom who dresses up on Halloween. My kids loved it--even though they had no idea who Michael Jackson was. I loved it, too. ( It gave me a chance to break out some of my moves that haven't seen the light of day in at least 10 years.) So, MJ is my personal favorite costume to date.

Another Halloween classic was when Janey, my little sister, and I dressed up as each other for Halloween.
I was trying to make fun of her and what I dubbed her "Grandpa-chic" style. But, everyone kept telling me all night how cute I looked! Doh! It figures, Janey's always been cuter than me.

Okay so back to Halloween '09. Gavin is Luke Skywalker. This costume was thrown together with things almost entirely from my wardrobe. I'm all about the throw-together, no sewing, no money costumes. (ala, MJ.)

He wanted a picture at every different stage of the light saber's unleashing. This isn't the full light saber glory, but I just love how serious he's taking it!

All the pictures of Super Nick were blurry, because he was so busy posing and "flying" that he wouldn't hold still long enough to get a good picture. This was a borrowed costume, so again, love the $0 pricetag. (Dave Ramsey should be so proud.)

I was going to throw together a flower costume, of sorts for baby girl. But, then found a $6 pink leopard costume Halloween day, and decided it would be less hassle and possibly warmer. I didn't even think to draw a nose or whiskers or anything, but she kept the hat on longer than expected, so it was all good. It won't be long before she wants to be a fairy, or princess, and the costumes will cost more than $6. . .so I decided to slack while I can still get away with it. :)

It has become Halloween tradition that my BFF and I get our kids together and go trick or treating in my old neighborhood (where BFF currently lives, across the street from my parents). Again, blurry pictures. Either my camera was on the wrong setting, or everyone was too excited to hold still.

So Halloween was fun. The trick or treating only lasted for about a block before my two littlest ones burnt out. I wish I would've trick or treated in my own hood (ward boundaries), I love my old neighborhood, but it isn't home to me anymore. Also, I wanted to see more of my friends in costumes. (I hope they all dressed up and felt as dorky, and awesome, as I did.)

What a Difference a Decade Makes

Ten years ago today I was in a life-altering car crash. I was driving home from BYU and was driving through a green light at an intersection and another car coming the opposite direction decided to make a left turn directly into my car. They were old people, so I don't know whether they just didn't see my car, or they had meant to turn much sooner and their reflexes were dangerously slow, because they turned so late that they hit me nearly head-on, and it made my car spin almost 180 degrees in the opposite direction.

I jumped out of the car, very much in shock, because I was running through a very busy highway, trying to tell people that we really needed to move my car out of the way because it was going to back up traffic. I don't remember all the details. I remember crying when they took the old people away in stretchers (even though it wasn't my fault.) I remember having to call my Dad and tell him his car was totaled. Everyone kept asking me if I was okay, because the crash was pretty hairy. But, I felt okay. I was scared half to death, but I didn't feel any pain--yet.

It wasn't until about 3 days later that I really felt the pain. The worst pain I had ever felt in my life (I hadn't been through childbirth at that point). Whiplash kind of has a bad reputation as being a "fake" injury, but it is no joke. The pain was so bad that it made me nauseous, it made me vomit, I had muscle spasms, vertigo, pain on the left side of my body that quite literally went from my head to my toes.

And the pain didn't go away, I tried resting for awhile, I tried physical therapy, chiropractics, and the pain just wouldn't go away. I couldn't sleep well, and I was exhausted all the time. I had to drop out of school--I was starting the program to be a Seminary teacher that semester--I also had to quit my job. Weeks went by and I was still in pain, becoming a pitiful lump of a person, and then months went by. My parents were so annoyed, wanting me to get better, get a job, and move out of the house.

I couldn't do it. There were times when I wanted to die, so I wouldn't be in pain anymore. I became so depressed because no one could see my injuries, no casts, no surgeries, and yet the pain was unbearable. I would try to get a job, and I wouldn't be able to meet the demands of the job, so I would I would have to quit. I felt my dreams slipping away, I lost my hobbies, and I saw a life of chronic pain stretching out before me.

After many months, I started being treated at the University of Utah pain management clinic. No one could fix me, there was no cure so I had to deal with chronic pain. Treatments included physical therapy; epidurrals and "trigger point injections"(which means a course of about 20 shots each week); Psychotherapy for the depression; hypnosis and relaxation therapy, etc., etc. This went on for over a year, and I began learning how to deal with my "illness", I began planning a life around pain.

There were many blessings that also came out of this time in my life. I couldn't pursue my academics or my career path, so instead I worked on my spirituality. I had some amazing spiritual experiences during this time, sometimes they say that physical weakness can make you more sensitive to the things of the spirit, and I also prepared myself to go through the temple. That was perhaps the greatest thing that came out of this time. Not working or going to school allowed time for me to attend the temple once a week. The temple was my greatest source of strength and peace during those times.

Also, I was very humbled. I had always been such a kn0w-it-all, so judgmental, had my college and career path all planned, and I came to realize how little I actually knew about life.

In my personal life, my dating experiences had been mostly negative up to that point. I had begun to become very negative and "bitter", and kind of a man hater. After my accident, I was quite literally softened by my hard times. I was battered to the point that my rough edges were wearing off. I mellowed out, and despite my discouragements became less cynical. Undoubtedly that is what prepared me to meet my now husband. We met about 9 months after my car accident. I was much more loving (no more man-hating) and more loveable.

My husband married me despite my health problems--knowing full well that I might struggle with pain my whole life. That I would probably never hold a full-time job, and that there would be days that I might lie in bed the whole day. Wow--he must have really loved me. For the first year of our marriage, my health actually got much worse and I got sick with other problems.

It wasn't until nearly 3 years after my car accident that I started to be somewhat "normal" again. I began to work part-time at a job I loved. I had tried to return to school after we were first married and, even when my health started to improve, it didn't feel right. For some reason I felt that it was the right thing for me to drop out, and I'm still waiting for the right time to go back and finish. (30 credits away from graduating.)

It has taken me years to get where I am today. There have been problems that have come up over the years (ie. TMJ) that have been painful and annoying, which they attribute to the damage to my neck in the accident.

But, honestly, I feel so blessed today. I am healthier and stronger than I have been in years! I thought my life would be filled with chronic pain, and that everything I ever did, or wanted to do, would have to be managed around pain and limitations. I can now do ANYTHING I want. I do yoga, I play basketball, I dance--not very well--I cook, clean, and balance the budget, I take care of 3 kids, and the only thing stopping me is laziness--not pain.

I feel so blessed that I never got hooked on pain medication. At that time Oxycontin was a popular treatment for chronic pain issues, and I am so glad I never even tried the stuff. I have seen many people, who are in very real pain, make life even worse because of addiction to it.

I ran on the treadmill today and I felt so FREE. It took me probably 4 years after the accident before my muscles could take high impact activity like running without the pain becoming debilitating. I am so grateful to be able to run today--not so grateful that I want to run for very long, but grateful nonetheless. :)

My life is so much better than I thought it would be 9 years ago. It reminds me to live it to the fullest. My only limitations now are self-imposed.

My heart goes out to anyone in pain--physical or emotional. Chronic pain is very real and very devastating. Sometimes there is pain that is so hard to see or understand, and I know how it feels to have everyone looking down on you because they "think you should be better by now." This is also true of depression.

So, I'm also grateful for the sympathy and compassion that my accident instilled in me. I'm not perfect, undoubtedly I'm still more judgmental than I should be, but my soul was changed by my trial--hopefully changed for the better. Hopefully I am more equipped to "lift up the hands that hang down" and "strengthen the feeble knees."

I truly know that I was very literally healed by my faith in the Savior. I don't mean to imply that people who are in chronic pain don't have enough faith. But, for me, it has been testified to me by the Spirit that because I had faith to be healed, a gift of the Spirit, I was healed. There was a time when I thought that I might never be fully, physically healed. . .but my soul was healed, and the pain in my heart was relieved.

For the times when I was discouraged and in pain, and the times now when I feel weak and inadequate and my soul is pained, I think of the scripture story of the man whose child was suffering, nearly unto death, and he desires the Savior to heal his child. The Lord teaches, "All things are possible to him that believeth" and the father in total desperation and ultimate humility, in tears cries out "Lord, I believe. Help thou mine unbelief."

My faith and my life's experiences (particularly the hard ones) have taught me that all things are possible through the Savior, and I pray for my own unbelief and pray that I will be strengthened in my faith to turn to Him whenever I need healing. And I need healing often. We all do.

Frosting Face

It's been a little while, but I gotta post the pictures of Ruby's first birthday celebration. It wasn't much of a celebration. I know that it was her first birthday, and I should have made a big deal of it, but I didn't want to spend any money and I didn't feel like doing a big party, (and I knew Ruby wouldn't care either way) so, all we did was have cake with Grandma and Grandpa. All we really wanted was to see Ruby cover herself in cake.

Mike decorated the cake, of course, but he's not really that thrilled with flowers and butterflies. I think it was pretty cute, despite the fact that Mike wasn't that into it, and all I could find in Wal-mart was petal pink and pale yellow decorating frosting--not what my creative vision had called for.

Getting ready for the party.

She's so embarrassed to be the center of attention.

Not sure what Grandpa's doing here. I just had to document it, because he is always making a fool of himself to get Ruby to crack a smile. I love it!

She preferred this butterfly cookie rather than cake.

Feeling the guilt that inevitably follows after making a pig of yourself! ;)

Happy Birthday, to my baby girl who won't be a baby much longer. ( I wonder how long it will be until she asks for a Princess-themed birthday?)

Big Girl

Yesterday was my sweet baby's birthday. We haven't celebrated yet, so stay tuned for the baby attacking the birthday cake type pictures. But, I still had to take a minute to pause and reflect on the fact that my baby, the last baby I plan to have, will not be a baby much longer. In fact, she started taking her first steps during her birthday week. Yay!

She's adorable and I think she just gets cuter and more fun everyday. I'd take a busy, trouble-making 1 year old over a newborn anyday! Oh man, I may regret that I said that here in a few more weeks because this child is quickly turning into a terror.

These pictures were all taken on the day of her birthday--she had a very busy day.

Climbing on something precarious (one of her favorite tricks), and yes it often ends with her falling on her head.

I think I have a picture of each one of my babies sitting on the dishwasher. They love it. But, she is the first to ignore my "no, no's" and actually have the audacity to stand up and dance on it. She thought she was hot stuff. She found a stage for her booty shakin'.

Big girl carseat, facing forward. And yet she still screams whenever I put her in her carseat.

Unloading the dressers quickly (and constantly), oops she knows she's busted!

Relaxing with Daddy.

So, it's official my baby's a toddler. The boys think it is so exciting and they cheer wildly whenever she tries to walk (which actually makes her fall down.) She is already lots of fun, and lots of trouble, I'm already worrying that she won't like me when she's a teenager. So glad she's in our family.

Thank you, Don!

A producer at KUTV2 news gave us tickets to the "Greatest Show on Earth", probably because my kids are the sweetest, most adorable kids on the whole earth! Okay, really the producer is my brother-in-law, who could get tickets for free from the station, and he is just a really thoughtful guy who knew my kids would love it. Uncle Don is now a hero to 4 little boys, and 2 moms, because we all had a blast. . .made even more wonderful by the fact that it was free.

I have never been to the circus before, and I thought it was amazing.

One of the most amazing things about the circus, was that it held my kids' attention for 2 1/2 hours.

The kids loved the animal acts the most. Nick also really loved the dogs doing tricks, despite the fact that he HATES dogs in every day life. Nick said, his favorite part was the "Fwoo Whoo" part, whatever that means. I think the two older boys understood how scary, and incredible it is that one guy can be in the same cage with 8 tigers, basically dancing with them.

However, I think it was the Moms who were really wowed by the acrobats, the tight-rope walkers, and whatever these are called pictured below. I'm not sure the kids completely understood how freakin' amazing these people are. Maybe a little, though, because I asked Gavin if he wanted to be in the circus when he grows up and he said, "No way! I'm not going way up there." (Referring to the tight rope.)

I don't know what it was about this act, but it made me really jump. I don't know if he was just hamming it up for the show, but one guy seemed to nearly lose his balance and fall off several times. Crazy!
And of course, every circus must have clowns. These were by far the cutest ones!
Thanks again, Uncle Don, you rock! Please remember how cute and adorable and appreciative these kids are whenever tickets for free events come your way! ;)

Father's and Sons Campout

So I'm about a week late in posting this, but it was a big deal for our family. Mike took our sons on their first ever father's and sons campout. It was a big hit! The weekend before the campout, Mike and the boys (and the neighbor boys) had a trial run campout in our backyard. It went well, the boys slept through the night, so they were ready to attempt a real, legit campout.

Not only was this their first father's and sons campout, but it was really their first time camping EVER. I think it went really well. Although, I think at one point our 3 year old got lost in the woods (not kidding) a detail which Mike downplayed. Mike wasn't too worried about it, since they weren't exactly camping in a remote area and there were several wards camping in the vicinity. He wasn't the only kid who got lost (albeit for a short amount of time), so I guess that's just what happens when the Dads are in charge.

It went smoothly enough that Mike wants to make it an annual tradition. In fact, I think he'd like to camp even more often than that. Now that our boys are getting old enough for more adventure. Good thing he has two sons then, so I can send them all off camping. Because, I gotta admit, I'm really not that fond of camping.

My Dad asked my sons how the campout went, and Nick said, "It was so awesome. We got to pee in a bottle!" I guess that was the highlight. Mike had brought bottles into the tent, so they wouldn't have to hike down to the bathrooms at night. I think that is why men like camping and the mountains so much, so they can just pee anywhere with reckless abandon.

Now, I really need to give credit to my Man where credit is due. Sometimes he amazes me with his patience. I fully expected him and the boys to be tired and cranky the next day and for Mike to be ready for a break from father/son bonding time. But, to my surprise he decided to take them (and the neighbor kids) to the Comic book shop for some special event right after they returned from the campout. WOW! Impressive.
Here's Gavin with "Spiderman" at the comic book shop. Did you know that Spiderman has a daughter? She's kind of a diva, because she demanded to be in every kid's picture with Spiderman.

Needless to say, it was a great weekend for the boys. And me. ;)

Romance Revisited

So, it's true, my husband dropped the ball on my birthday. He did NOTHING. I cried. He apologized. I'm not usually one to pout, but I think this particular fit has been building for many years. Hopefully we've both learned a little bit. From now on, I will not celebrate my birthday on any other day other than my actual birthday, because apparently that is just too confusing for a man, and I guess I'm still just immature enough that I need some attention on the actual day of my birthday (even if it falls on a Wednesday.) And only time will tell if Mike learned anything. Dr. Phil says, "you teach people how to treat you", so that is why I finally decided to not excuse my husband on this one.

HOWEVER, I recently had a conversation with a group of women that changed my perspective and left me feeling a lot more merciful towards my husband.

After discussing my birthday disappointments, we talked about what their various husbands did, or did not do, on their birthdays, anniversaries, and even marriage proposals. And I gotta tell you, it left me feeling pretty sorry for men. It must be really, really hard to please a woman. . .and the kicker is that every woman is so different.

For example, some women desperately want to be surprised (me) and some women HATE surprises. They hate not being in control of the situation. One woman told a story about a friend whose husband had planned a surprise trip--he had taken care of the babysitting, packed her bags, and not even told her what was going on until they got to the airport--and she was really mad that he hadn't packed her any makeup or very cute clothes. SERIOUSLY?!!

Also, some women think it's incredibly unromantic to receive household appliances for their birthday, while other women wouldn't want anything as impractical as flowers and/or jewelry. Some women are so mad if their husbands don't spend money and buy gifts, whereas other women would be so angry about their husbands spending too much money.

We want romance, but then we want to complain about the restaurant, the hotel, the gift, whatever it was that he picked out without OUR input. How can a poor guy ever get it right?

It seems so unromantic to ASK for exactly what we want. I mean, if you've been married for more than 5 years you start to think your man should just KNOW his woman by now. . .but yet, it seemed a pretty common theme to be disappointed by our husband's gestures.

So, I am trying to figure this all out. There are certain things that just don't come naturally to my husband, and I can't keep faulting him for that. I'm going to have to be okay with telling him what I want, and him doing exactly what I asked for (with no "romantic" variations.) For example, I often tell my husband that when I'm feeling insecure I just want him to hug me and say something reassuring. So, right after I said that, he hugged me and said, "something reassuring." :P

I love my man, there are some areas where he is a freakin' husband superstar that could teach classes to other men. And then there are some areas where he's not so awesome. But, I guarantee the same could be said of me as a wife.

So, after talking to a bunch of other women, and realizing how incredibly hard we are to please, I must plead with all of you--if your man does anything that remotely resembles a romantic gesture, PRAISE him like he just cured cancer. If they need to be taught and trained a bit about your particular preferences, do it delicately, lovingly, and preferably not DURING the event in question.

What is romance anyway? Why can't I be content with a husband who makes breakfast for my kids every Saturday morning and then CLEANS IT UP while I stay in bed? Or who takes the kids--without ever complaining--while I go shopping, go to yoga, go out with girlfriends, etc. Wouldn't I rather have every day kindness than grand gestures once a year? Nope, I'm a woman, I want both! It must be hard work being married to a woman. So go give your man a squeeze and tell him thank you for putting up with your womanness. :)

09-09-09

It doesn't seem like that long ago that it was 9-9-99 and I was turning 21. That birthday was a lot more exciting. I went out dancing to a good 21+ dance club and really celebrated (wait, despite the way that sounded, I did NOT celebrate by taking advantage of my legal drinking status.) Dancing was enough of a "high" for me. There is a part of me that really wishes I could go out dancing to celebrate this birthday, too. But, then I'd be one of those sad "old" ladies at the dance club trying desperately to cling to youth.

So, today I'm 31. Not nearly as cool as 21, not nearly as traumatizing as 30, and so despite the fact that today is 09-09-09, a super cool date, a birthday that I used to think about as a kid, I'm doing a whole lot of nothing.

I guess I can't complain too much, because my family celebrated by making me a steak dinner last Saturday. Then, on Monday, Mike took the kids for several hours while I went shopping. We were given some Nordstrom gift cards a few months ago, and I have been saving them specifically for buying myself a birthday present. I went to the Nordstrom rack (to maximize my return) and came home with a few outfits, and these beautiful babies:

Nothing says, "I'm 31 and fabulous" like gold slingback wedges! Then, on Monday night Michael and I went on a date. We decided to try something new, which turned out not to be the best idea for a birthday dinner.

We went to the new Zupas in AF. (The shadows on our faces are a little weird in this pic, but we were just trying to capture the occasion.) Here's my review of Zupas--Soups B+, Salads and Sandwiches, C-. But, I don't care where I eat as long as I get the chance to dress up, have my husband dress up, and go out without kids. (Oh wait, that's not true, I'd be seriously upset if I had to eat at McDonald's for my birthday. )

Here's a close-up of my cute husband with his "old lady." Yes, I'm older than my husband and I just have to be okay with it. But, there's no denying that the years (and babies) are starting to show on my face (and on my boobs! ;) Oh well, the great thing about being 31 is that I now know how to use make-up and fashion to both minimize and maximize--if ya know what I mean!

I don't mean to be ungrateful, because I love my husband very much. He is so great about being kind and thoughtful daily. He always helps and never complains. But, special occasions are not his forte. I think since he went out on a date with me on Monday he thinks he's covered. But, am I so selfish for wanting to make the day of my birthday a little bit special? I mean, 09-09-09 seems like such an interesting day, it seems like something awesome should happen. Well, it's 2pm, and I'm not exactly holding my breath.

My little sister is coming over to make me a birthday dinner, and her food is definitely awesome. But, I'm still feeling a little sad that this ONCE IN A MILLENIUM day, is going to go out with more of a whimper than a bang. Oh well, Happy birthday to me! At least I have facebook to help get me a little attention! :)

Once in a lifetime

So, I know that the first day of Kindergarten and/or school is sort of the blog post du jour right now. And while the topic may not be that interesting to most of you (because your kid going to Kindergarten wasn't really that interesting for me), I just have to say that this time it's just not about you! :P This is about documenting the little moments that are a really big deal to a precious little 5 year old. This is his first day of "real school", and that only happens once!

Absolutely no tears and no fears for the Kindergartener or his mother! He has been anxiously awaiting (to the point of driving me crazy) starting school, especially this past week because he had to stay home for the first week while most of his friends already started. (Sadistic school district messing with kindergarteners, anyway.)

Mrs. Barlow, is an intern this year, so she was probably more nervous than Gavin. I told him that she's bound to be cool because she is a red-head like me. (To which he replied, "your hair is yellow right now Mom." No, it's highlighted yellow, but still red. I mean, come on, what Kindergartener can't understand the nuances of hair color and highlights. Guess he'll be in Resource Styling this year. ;)

Okay, it wasn't the TOTAL truth when I said I had no fears. The only anxiety I felt was when school let out, because the neighbor boys were supposed to pick him up and walk home with him. I just kept picturing my son being the only Kindergartener left behind on the first day of school. BUT, he wasn't. They found him and delivered him, not only in one piece, but with a great big smile and an orange Costco donated backpack that now matches the entire student body!

Fire & Ice Cream

Nick turned 3 on Sunday, and we had a firefigher themed birthday. Yes, Nick is supposed to be the star of this show, but his cake was pretty awesome, and I think Nick's Daddy is a superstar for the creation he pulled off! I think Mike even surprised himself with this creation. I was amazed by his vision and his execution of this thing--fire truck cake complete with house on fire, and firefighters. My brain doesn't even work like that!

We took about 10 pictures of this cake, but I totally forgot to take pictures of Nick actually blowing out the candles. Oops. (I think we got it on video, maybe.)

Nick also got a little tent shaped like a fire truck.

Also, for the birthday we took a trip to the fire station last week. Nick and several of his friends got a tour of the Orem fire station. Here are the highlights:

It was great, free entertainment for a bunch of little boys. The highlight of the trip of course was when they turned on the lights and sirens of the fire truck. It might have been a budget birthday--but, Nick was thrilled!