Romance Revisited

So, it's true, my husband dropped the ball on my birthday. He did NOTHING. I cried. He apologized. I'm not usually one to pout, but I think this particular fit has been building for many years. Hopefully we've both learned a little bit. From now on, I will not celebrate my birthday on any other day other than my actual birthday, because apparently that is just too confusing for a man, and I guess I'm still just immature enough that I need some attention on the actual day of my birthday (even if it falls on a Wednesday.) And only time will tell if Mike learned anything. Dr. Phil says, "you teach people how to treat you", so that is why I finally decided to not excuse my husband on this one.

HOWEVER, I recently had a conversation with a group of women that changed my perspective and left me feeling a lot more merciful towards my husband.

After discussing my birthday disappointments, we talked about what their various husbands did, or did not do, on their birthdays, anniversaries, and even marriage proposals. And I gotta tell you, it left me feeling pretty sorry for men. It must be really, really hard to please a woman. . .and the kicker is that every woman is so different.

For example, some women desperately want to be surprised (me) and some women HATE surprises. They hate not being in control of the situation. One woman told a story about a friend whose husband had planned a surprise trip--he had taken care of the babysitting, packed her bags, and not even told her what was going on until they got to the airport--and she was really mad that he hadn't packed her any makeup or very cute clothes. SERIOUSLY?!!

Also, some women think it's incredibly unromantic to receive household appliances for their birthday, while other women wouldn't want anything as impractical as flowers and/or jewelry. Some women are so mad if their husbands don't spend money and buy gifts, whereas other women would be so angry about their husbands spending too much money.

We want romance, but then we want to complain about the restaurant, the hotel, the gift, whatever it was that he picked out without OUR input. How can a poor guy ever get it right?

It seems so unromantic to ASK for exactly what we want. I mean, if you've been married for more than 5 years you start to think your man should just KNOW his woman by now. . .but yet, it seemed a pretty common theme to be disappointed by our husband's gestures.

So, I am trying to figure this all out. There are certain things that just don't come naturally to my husband, and I can't keep faulting him for that. I'm going to have to be okay with telling him what I want, and him doing exactly what I asked for (with no "romantic" variations.) For example, I often tell my husband that when I'm feeling insecure I just want him to hug me and say something reassuring. So, right after I said that, he hugged me and said, "something reassuring." :P

I love my man, there are some areas where he is a freakin' husband superstar that could teach classes to other men. And then there are some areas where he's not so awesome. But, I guarantee the same could be said of me as a wife.

So, after talking to a bunch of other women, and realizing how incredibly hard we are to please, I must plead with all of you--if your man does anything that remotely resembles a romantic gesture, PRAISE him like he just cured cancer. If they need to be taught and trained a bit about your particular preferences, do it delicately, lovingly, and preferably not DURING the event in question.

What is romance anyway? Why can't I be content with a husband who makes breakfast for my kids every Saturday morning and then CLEANS IT UP while I stay in bed? Or who takes the kids--without ever complaining--while I go shopping, go to yoga, go out with girlfriends, etc. Wouldn't I rather have every day kindness than grand gestures once a year? Nope, I'm a woman, I want both! It must be hard work being married to a woman. So go give your man a squeeze and tell him thank you for putting up with your womanness. :)