If You Really Knew Me. . .

I just watched a new MTV show called "If you really knew me." It was for high school kids to learn to set aside their biases and judgments about each other, and realize that they were a lot more alike than they were different from one another. Yes, high school is probably the worst, what with cliques and all, and it gets better as you get older. But, I still think we are all constantly assessing and judging each other. Some of it is unavoidable, you have to make certain judgments about people just for your own safety and well-being, but I think that sometimes the judgments we make about each other can alienate us from each other. The older I get, the more I've realized that just like those high schoolers on MTV, most of humankind are more alike than they are different. Sometimes we aren't even judging others negatively, sometimes we compare ourselves to others and put ourselves on the lower end of the evaluation, but it still alienates us from them. I think women do it so much. We can look at every other woman and talk about all the great things they have going on--their beauty, their exercise routine, their job, their house, their hours spent volunteering in their child's classroom, their cooking, their craft projects, their neat, perfectly coiffed children, etc. etc. and only feel more inadequate about the things we, ourselves, are lacking. But, the more women I TRULY get to know, the ones I can call good friends, the more I realize that they are just like me. We never feel like we are doing, being, or achieving enough. We all get annoyed with our children, at least sometimes. We all are tormented by housekeeping (either obsessing too much about it, or feeling guilty for neglecting it so much,) we all wish certain body parts were smaller, and we are all trying to be righteous and do what the Lord wants us to do.

I'm usually pretty open on this blog about my issues and insecurities, so I think most of my friends have a realistic view of me, but just in case anyone is still under the misconception that I've got it together or under the misconception that I think I am better than anyone else. . .let's just clear that up.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I struggle with feeling ugly all the time, and I have since I was little. I always wish I were prettier.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I am the only one of my siblings who hasn't finished my college degree. In fact, they are all working on graduate degrees right now. I really don't know when, or if, I will finish.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I always feared that I would never get married.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I didn't really enjoy my kids as babies. I don't like babies, I thought nursing was horrible, I am SO DONE having babies.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I don't eat pork.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I am the least ambitious, and consequently, the biggest underachiever of all my siblings. I know my parents love me, but I always think they wish they had something more interesting to tell people about me and my life besides "Tiffany has 3 kids and lives just down the street."

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I wanted to be a TV news anchorwoman "when I grew up." But, I have a lisp, and thought that might be a problem.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I've always been afraid (sometimes downright paranoid) that my husband would cheat on me.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I wear the Victoria's Secret Miraculous push-up bra and that my breasts are at least 2 cup sizes smaller than they usually appear!;)

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I have wanted to write a book for years and still have not finished it.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I love my 2 sisters, but I also sometimes can't believe I am related to them because they are so different than me. They have become 2 of my closest friends, but they have also given me more grief over the years than all of my other friends combined.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I yell at my children more than I'd like to admit.

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that I have watched every season of "The Hills." I don't even know why, I think it's some sort of self-loathing behavior. ;)

If you really knew me. . .
You would know that being a good wife is what I care most about being. And I'm not talking about being a good cook or housekeeper, I mean really being everything my husband needs and wants me to be. I still think he is so incredible that he could probably do better than me, but I'm trying to be what I think is good enough for him.

And if I really knew you. . .
I imagine I would think you are more amazing than you even realize!