"Us"

JUNE 30, 2009: Our 8-year wedding anniversary! Every year it reminds me that time goes by so quickly. It's amazing how fast life starts to go once you get married. Life doesn't even really begin, if you ask me, until marriage. It's all just kind of a warm-up or a preparation before that. When I was single, I spent so much energy worrying that I wouldn't ever find the right person, and now I sort of wish I would've enjoyed my few fleeting single years a lot more. And had I fully realized what kind of man I really deserved (Michael), I wouldn't have wasted my time and tears on losers. They were all such losers compared to Michael. Aaaaaaah, well hindsight is 20/20. It's kind of like the scriptures say, "you have to pass through a bunch of losers, in order to appreciate the good man"--or something like that. ;) I DID appreciate the good man, pretty much from the very beginning. It was so effortless with him. He disarmed my defenses right away, without me even realizing it. I fell in love with him in just a few days--and I had never been in love before, not even close. He was, and still is, the perfect complement to my personality and he has softened and refined me over the years. He is everything I needed, but not what I myself would have put on my own Man checklist. I'm sure so many of you could say the same things about your husbands. But, alas, it is not perfect and we are still in process and in progress. I've heard it said, the key to a great marriage is this: "Choose wisely, treat kindly." I've never questioned my original choice of an eternal companion. It was more than just a wise choice--undoubtedly it was divinely guided. So, now it's up to me to treat him kindly. I've been practicing for 8 years, have been better at it at some times than others, but I'm more than happy to spend the next 8 years and the 8 after that, and the 8 after that (you get the idea) trying to perfect it.

When I look at that sketch of us (it was by some street artist on our honeymoon in San Francisco), I think "we were just kids--and we thought we were big enough to get married." Even funnier, is that I thought I knew so much about marriage--being a Family Science major and all. Ha! So, in honor of our 8 years of Marriage Education, I am going to write 8 things about what I thought BEFORE I got married, and how it has all actually worked out.

8. Never go to bed angry. (Reality check: No one is reasonable when they are too tired, it's so much better to stop talking, sleep on it, and then deal with it if it's still a problem after a good night's sleep. )

7. Talk things out until you both feel resolved. (Reality check: There are some issues that keep coming up for years, and after you spend the first few years trying to overanalyze, talk, talk, talk, seeking for some perfect resolution, but doing nothing but creating more pain and frustration, you kind of start to know that it's often most helpful to keep your mouth shut.)

6. Division of labor should be 50/50. (Reality check: Anytime you are paying too close of attention to the balance of labor, making sure everything is fair, you'll probably end up feeling resentful. In theory, I get the good intentions of this principle, but the variables of marriage are so much more complicated than that.)

5. Men don't change. (Reality check: They actually do! Men grow and learn and mature. But, the KEY is not expecting them to change in the ways YOU want them to. My man has changed a lot in very favorable ways over time, but when I married him I was willing to take him for what he was.

4. Marriage gets easier the longer you are married. (Reality check: It's a roller coaster ride. There are times that are totally smooth when you really pride yourself on how great your marriage is, and then there are times, sometimes seemingly out of nowhere, that are hard as hell! Or maybe I just need a lot more years under my belt to verify this one.)

3. Children are the crowning joy of a marriage. (Reality check: This is both true and false. :)

2. Marriage is hard work. (Reality check: Okay, this is true, but you don't fully understand what kind of work until you are actually married. It's like the peace corps--"The hardest job you'll ever LOVE." I actually really enjoy the work of marriage, I'm fascinated by the process. It is truly an ingenious part of God's plan. )

1. We will have sex every day! (Reality check: ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Still laughing. Wouldn't it be great if we did, though?)

Here's to the best 8 years of my life! There are many times when I feel like June 30, 2001 was the day I won BIG in the lottery. So congratulations, to me, on hitting the jackpot and enjoying the rewards for 8 years. I hope he feels the same!