I want so badly to enjoy my sweet little baby. But, right now I am up at 12:30 AM because she has been screaming on and off for like 5 hours now. She has fallen asleep a few times, but only for about 15 mins at a time. I don't know what to do. I am an experienced mother, and yet I feel so helpless and clueless.
I've tried feeding, changing, bathing, Mylicon, rocking, walking, etc. So, now she is sitting wide awake in her swing. At least she's not screaming, but she's not sleeping either.
I'm just so exhausted tonight. I have been having major anxiety all day about her weight gain. She is four months old and barely even 10lbs. She is tiny. I thought breastfeeding had been going so well, but now I'm wondering all the time if I should supplement her with formula. How do I know if my milk supply is adequate? I've never done exclusive breastfeeding before. My other babies were small, but not this small. I'm just worrying constantly now.
She's not a good sleeper either. She still wakes up every 3 hours all night long to eat. I keep thinking she needs those feedings because she is so small. . .but it is wearing me out. I mean, can a person really keep going and going after 4 months of chronic sleep deprivation without going certifiably insane? Obviously not.
She does not have good sleep habits during the day, either. I know it's my fault and she has terrible habits. But, I'm just trying to survive. I don't know how to give her a nice, predictable routine when there is constant noise and chaos in my tiny little house. I spend so much of my day feeding her or holding her to try and get her to go to sleep. I know all about the concepts behind "Babywise", but even with baby #3, I am apparently "Babystupid."
So, this is why I want to be done having babies. I have been exhausted for like a year now. I don't feel like any of my children are getting what they need from me. As much as I love my little sweeties--babies have always kind of stressed me out. How do I stop stressing and just hold her and enjoy the fleeting moments. Because as an experienced Mom, the one thing I do know is that they don't stay babies long at all.
6 comments:
We're both having off days in different corners of the world. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. I remember nights like that with Dylanie and Lucas. I had a night like that with Dylanie when Kristian was out of town. I did feel helpless and clueless, because she was my first.
Every baby is different. I am not an adherer to the BabyWise method. It doesn't work for me, and I'm fine with it. I no longer feel insecure about that. You have to pick your battles.
You may want to try supplementing with formula. Is your ped. concerned? There is a baby in my ward here who was TINY for months. We'd comment on it every time we saw him. (not to the mother) Turns out he was starving, but content...as the doctor put it. They switched to formula and he has literally doubled in size.
Don't you wish they came with instructions? Especially since they are all unique. Each one needs its own little manual. If you feel you're done...be done! There is no set number of children to have to be a good LDS mother. I'm way over that too.
Ok...I'm done. I hope you and Ruby can get some sleep and work out the kinks. I'm thinking of you!! Maybe you can find comfort in the fact that I am probably certifiably insane as well.
Oops. Somehow I was signed in as Krisian. Obviously my husband is not leaving you huge comments.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I don't think I would've made it through Hope's early months without my husband and family helping me out and letting me take naps.
I agree with Amy, Don't you wish babies came with an instruction manual? Each of my boys were completely different in sleep patterns and eating patterns. I exclusively breast fed all of my boys and constantly worried about the amount of milk they were getting. One thing that I am a firm believer in is that "sixth sense" you get as a mother. If you feel something is wrong or bothering you, do something about it. I found some good sleep advice from the book: "The No Cry Sleep Solution". As with all parenting books, I just chose the tips that worked best with my existing schedule and it helped a bunch. Have you thought that Ruby might be teething already, and that is causing the crying? I tried homeopathic teething tablets with Aaron and they worked wonders for the crying during the night that teething caused. Good luck! We're all cheering for you.
I know it's hard, but try not to worry too much unless your pediatrician is worried. Kamree was very small as well. She is almost 2 and only 21 lbs. (other kids her age are at least 25 to 30!) I did give up on nursing at 6 months, cause I didn't feel she was getting enough. But she still stayed small. So who even knows! It's such a guessing game. I'm sorry it's so stressful, I remember going through the same thing. Good Luck, you're a good mom and will get through it just fine :) My doctor always told me, as long as she was staying around the same and gaining even a little at every appt. (not losing) she was just fine.
"Babystupid" - I can totally relate to that!
Since everyone else already gave you advice about Ruby, I won't go into that but I will say...it's not just about the baby. I think I'd rather talk to you about this in person - maybe over some Thai food.
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