MY TURN!!!

I may never be able to blog again. My 2-year-old is completely obsessed with playing computer games. Yes, he's only 2 and he loves the computer--what is the world coming to! So he wants to be on it all the time. Whenever I try to be on it he throws a huge fit or he climbs on my lap while I'm typing and gets in my face. Naturally, since the little guy discovered the computer, my 4 year old suddenly has a desperate desire to play on it which causes constant fights over, "It's my turn", "No, it's my turn." The only way to stop the insanity or to limit their computer time is to just turn the damn thing off completely! So, here I am, up way later than I want to be (10:15pm--pitiful I know), just so that I can have some "me" time. This is more like a journal entry blog--just the musings of Tiffany.

I need to publicly apologize to anyone (mostly my older sister) whom I have ever judged for having what I deemed a messy home. I'm suddenly so humbled because I suddenly realize how it gets that way. There are some people who genuinely don't care and don't even try to clean. . .but, I would bet that most women want a clean home and it just gets so stinkin' hard to keep it clean once you have more than 1 child. Housekeeping feels like a hamster wheel--running, running, exerting so much energy, never getting anywhere. My house is even quite small, and the more stuff we cram in here the messier it seems. It is so cluttered it just never seems clean to me. I also hate leaving dirty dishes in the sink at night because then you wake up to a stinky kitchen, and then it seems to make the whole house smell bad, and then it takes a lot of concerted effort to make the house smell decent again. And. . .I swear there have been very few nights lately when I didn't leave dirty dishes in the sink overnight. (Probably only the nights that we went out to dinner.)

Sometimes I just feel like I am working all day long cleaning, doing laundry, meal preparation, feeding the baby and when my husband walks through the door at 6pm it probably looks like nothing has been accomplished. (Luckily, I am blessed with a man who doesn't comment about it, even if he does think that.)

The moral of the story is twofold--first, humility, the older I get the more children and life experiences I have, the less judgmental I am. Secondly, is, a plea for mercy-if you ever come over to my house and it smells bad, or you see me in public in sweats without makeup, or my children come to church with dried boogers on their faces and teeth not brushed-please don't judge me harshly. I really am working my butt off to keep everything together. And truth be told, sometimes I don't try at all because I'm just too tired to care!

CAVEAT:
**My husband doesn't let me complain, he believes that it only attracts more negativity to you. So, if you want things to be wonderful, you have to speak as though they are wonderful. So since I just complained a lot, I have to balance it with some positives:
*Ruby is smiling so much and cooing more and more. She's adorable.
*We are so blessed that we can afford a nice (yet modest) Christmas for our kids.
*Michael still has a job in this troubled economy, and I can stay at home.
*I only have about 10lbs left of baby weight to lose. (Although, I'd really like to lose 20 lbs to be back to my 25-year-old, pre-children weight!)
*I have a nice home (even though I want a bigger one because I am selfish and shallow), but it is warm and filled with love and laughter.

Does that count as some good positivity! Will that keep the universe balanced in my favor. Because I gotta tell you, sometimes I just want to vent and complain and feel sorry for myself but I don't want to be consumed by it.

SHOUT OUT:
Something else I've been thinking about. . .and I have to hurry and fit it all in now because I may never get another turn on the computer again. . .is how many cool women I've been getting to know lately. Although, the sad truth is, that most of my friendships lately consist of reading their blogs and sometimes posting a comment.

I especially want to shout out to the women of the Orchard Ward. I've been in this ward for 2 years and I'm just really now starting to feel really attached and a part of this ward. There are so many of the women whom I think are so cool and I'd love to get to know them better. I'd love to be "friends" with them. But, I mean, how as a grown up mother of 3 do I make new friends?

Back in my youth, I usually bonded to my friends in one of 3 ways--
1)We would have some really long, late into the night, deep, philosophical discussion about love, life, womanhood, and the pursuit of happiness, that sort of thing.
2)If I thought you had friendship potential I would invite you to go dancing with me--your ability to keep up with me, and avoid the advances of overly anxious guys who were looking for something to grind up against would be your test.
3)We would go out to eat. Naturally.

I'm not really sure how to be friends with new women. I rarely spend time with the friends I've had for years, I rarely spend time with one of my sisters, and yet I hate feeling isolated and homebound. (My anti-social husband doesn't help the situation.)

So, to all the great women, particularly those of you in my ward, consider a blog comment or a post on your Facebook wall as a gesture of friendship. I read your blogs and follow your lives. . .so I guess that's the way I can have some sense of friendship now that I've got 3 kids and no dancing skills!