I'm Back!

I haven't had a computer in nearly a month. One week of that was because I was on vacation in California, the rest was because PC Laptops is the DEVIL and they act like they have a monopoly on compter repairs and they don't really need to be nice to you or fix your computer in a timely manner.

ANYWAY, I just wanted you all to know that I'm back. I don't have time (or the pictures I need) to do a real post right now. But, if you care, check back. Because the ironic thing is that the one month that I don't have a computer--interesting things actually happened in my life, for a change. To be continued. . .

The Little Things

This is just a quick little post to keep track of some of the little things in life. First, I wanted to update everyone on Ruby's progress. I appreciated all the encouragement and advice everyone imparted. . .and ultimately it all worked out. I tried pumping and medication for my milk supply, and we also tried different things to get her to take a bottle, and it was a few days of anxiety and frustration but now everything's great. She is nursing and taking bottles. The pumping and the medications didn't work out so well, so I'm just going to do my best. Now that she loves bottles, she is less patient with my slow let-down and weak supply. If she stops nursing altogether, I'm not going to be upset about it. She's doing great with formula and has put on 1 1/2 lbs in like 10 days. (That's a 10% increase in weight!) She's also sleeping better. . .which means, I am sleeping better!

I also have to write some funny anecdotes about my kids. So, I have mentioned before that my 2 year old is computer-obsessed. Well, I didn't realize how much it has taken over his whole existence until the other day. He was sitting on his little training potty trying to get some poop out, and I said "Did you get the poopies out?", and he said, "Nope, they're still printing." And once he was done, he said, "The Poopies printed!" Also, the other day he wanted Grandma to write his name on a picture he had drawn, and he said, "Can you type in my name?"

You might've noticed that my children are in Superman jammies in every picture for the last two months (since Christmas.) Yes, they wear them pretty much constantly, and wait by the washer when they're getting washed. Gavin is totally Superman obsessed and the only person who is remotely as cool and powerful as Superman is Jesus. The other day, we saw a fire truck going through traffic and Gavin said, "Jesus needs to work with Superman to clear out all the traffic so the fire truck can get through more quickly." That's right, the Hero Heirarchy consists of Jesus, Superman, and firefighters. Last night, Gavin said, "Next year I want Jesus pajamas for Christmas!" I was so proud!

Happiness

This is an easy tag and it's good for the soul. So, I don't feel guilty tagging a few others (see below). All you have to do is list 6 things that make you happy. I encourage you to be creative and try to think of some of the not-so-obvious ones.

1. Compliments from my husband (kind of a rarity, because he's not the most expressive guy, but when they come I always know they're sincere.)
2. Online shopping--ooooooohhhhhh the selection and the convenience and the deals!!!
3. Scoring points in a basketball game (even if we lose by a lot, I am happy if I scored a few good baskets.)
4. Anyone brushing or playing with my hair. (I play with my hair constantly, but that's more of a nervous habit. It feels so much nicer when someone else does it, even my boys are pretty good at it.)
5. Finishing a painting project. Mike painted my room for V-day and it's heaven!
6. Clean floors. I hate cleaning the floors sooooooo much, so once I actually get them clean it's total elation! (If only they could stay clean longer than 20 mins.)

So that's it. I guess I'm a simple girl. Okay, so I tag Amy, Anne, Jessica, and Meradith. But, really anyone who reads this can consider themselves tagged. It's good for all of us to focus on the positives. . .especially in mid-February!

My Valentine

Michael made me this for Valentine's Day. The most impressive thing about it, is that he had the boys pose for it weeks ago--planning for special ocassions ahead of time isn't usually in character for him--so I was very impressed. I thought it was beautiful!

The Runt in question

I thought those of you who have heard my lament about my poor starving child, would like to see the little pea. This was just taken today. I've only managed to get about 3 ounces of formula in her in about 4 days. Does she look fatter, yet? Didn't think so. But, I love her nontheless. Lots and lots, so much it kinda hurts right now.

Cute smile, despite being attacked by a Dorito munching Monster
At least she'll always be well protected.

Update

So, I went to the doctor today for Ruby's 4 month Well Baby visit, and it turns out I was right to be concerned. The doctor said he could tell by looking at her that she was under nourished. She had taken a dip off of the growth chart in both weight and head size. He said he can tell by her skin and the lack of fat around her eyes and cheeks. He told me to start supplementing 8 ounces of formula a day and that we should start to see a marked improvement.

Well, I have tried several times today and she WILL NOT take a bottle. She gets sooooooo mad and gags and spits it out. I am going to keep trying, but what am I supposed to do if she won't take it? I worked so hard for so long to get her to breastfeed properly. It was so much pain and frustration. . .and now I feel like it's all starting over again with the bottle. (With my boys I introduced a bottle when they were under 6 weeks of age.) So, I am frustrated and stressed and concerned that she MUST get fed right away.

Thank you all of you dear sweet friends for being encouraging! I know that all of you Moms have had your share of pain and frustration and anxiety and fear about your babies. And, I do know how truly blessed I am to have my beautiful baby--frustrations and all. I know too many wonderful women who are having trouble conceiving. . .so I definitely don't want to seem ungrateful. I am so blessed and I know somehow it will all work out and she will be okay.

This is why I'm done.

I want so badly to enjoy my sweet little baby. But, right now I am up at 12:30 AM because she has been screaming on and off for like 5 hours now. She has fallen asleep a few times, but only for about 15 mins at a time. I don't know what to do. I am an experienced mother, and yet I feel so helpless and clueless.

I've tried feeding, changing, bathing, Mylicon, rocking, walking, etc. So, now she is sitting wide awake in her swing. At least she's not screaming, but she's not sleeping either.

I'm just so exhausted tonight. I have been having major anxiety all day about her weight gain. She is four months old and barely even 10lbs. She is tiny. I thought breastfeeding had been going so well, but now I'm wondering all the time if I should supplement her with formula. How do I know if my milk supply is adequate? I've never done exclusive breastfeeding before. My other babies were small, but not this small. I'm just worrying constantly now.

She's not a good sleeper either. She still wakes up every 3 hours all night long to eat. I keep thinking she needs those feedings because she is so small. . .but it is wearing me out. I mean, can a person really keep going and going after 4 months of chronic sleep deprivation without going certifiably insane? Obviously not.

She does not have good sleep habits during the day, either. I know it's my fault and she has terrible habits. But, I'm just trying to survive. I don't know how to give her a nice, predictable routine when there is constant noise and chaos in my tiny little house. I spend so much of my day feeding her or holding her to try and get her to go to sleep. I know all about the concepts behind "Babywise", but even with baby #3, I am apparently "Babystupid."

So, this is why I want to be done having babies. I have been exhausted for like a year now. I don't feel like any of my children are getting what they need from me. As much as I love my little sweeties--babies have always kind of stressed me out. How do I stop stressing and just hold her and enjoy the fleeting moments. Because as an experienced Mom, the one thing I do know is that they don't stay babies long at all.