The Wonders of One-Handedness

I mentioned on Facebook that Gavin had finally learned to ride a bike without training wheels, with a special handlebar made just for his nub. So, I had to document it and show pictures of the little contraption. It turned out to be quite simple, just a little pvc pipe and some foam padding. But, it was amazing! You see, I had tried several times to teach him to ride without his training wheels, and tried to get him to just lean over and hang on the best he could to the regular handlebars with his nub. It didn't work AT ALL! He wasn't making any progress, he wasn't balancing at all on his own, he was uncomfortable and frustrated, and I just felt completely helpless. But, with the help of someone a lot more engineer-minded than myself, we were able to adapt his bike for him.

I'm not usually one to cry when my children reach milestones, I definitely didn't cry when he first went to school, and I love watching them get older. . .but the first time he rode completely unassisted, I cried. It was such a triumph!

You see, lately I have been feeling really inadequate in my abililty to help him with his particular challenges. Most of his life I have approached it as, "you can do what everyone else is doing, just find a way to make it work." For the most part, he has taken much of the initiative to figure things out for himself. So, I haven't had to give him special treatment. But, he is at a particularly delicate age when all of his friends are starting to get skills that are much more difficult for him. So, in some ways he's a little bit behind. His friends are learning to ride bikes without training wheels, climb across the monkey bars, tie their own shoes, swim unassisted, and Gavin is struggling to keep up. I don't want to say, "You can't do that, because you only have one hand." But, I have had to start, really for the first time, saying, "this is going to be a bit more challenging for you, and it may take a little more time to get it." It is also difficult for me because I don't really know how to help him. I have NO idea how to teach him to tie his shoes with one hand. I have tried to teach him how to tie, and tried to figure out ways to adapt it, but to no avail. It's hard to learn from someone who has no idea what to tell you.

Then there is swimming. That is a whole different animal. I can't blame Gavin's lack of swimming ability completely on his lack of a hand. He has been terrified of the water, clinging to me for dear life, until maybe just last summer. He still is insistent upon wearing a life jacket, he has only just begun to try to go under the water just this summer, but now that he is finally open enough to learn how to swim, most of his buddies are already swimming underwater circles around him. I haven't been able to give him the individualized swimming instruction he needs, because my 3 year old is clinging to me for dear life, while my toddler is heading kamakaze style into deep water. But, even if I could give him my undivided attention, I'm not entirely sure what to teach him. I don't even know if he will be able to swim and keep up with his friends. I imagine swimming with one hand is a challenge, at the very least it probably makes you swim pretty crooked.

I have been baffled as to whether I should seek him some sort of specialized therapy. Maybe my occupational therapist friend would know what to do. Rachel, if you read this, I'm open to input. I've never wanted Gavin to feel "handicapped" or unable to do whatever he wants to do. But, I also don't want to be naive and try to ignore the fact that he, in fact, isn't the same as other kids. I really don't know if it's better to almost ignore it and treat him just as any other kid, and let him make the adaptations for himself, or if I should just say, "dude, there's nothing wrong with getting a little help for your challenge, because Mommy doesn't always know how to help you. I'm too used to doing everything with 2 hands."

I'm sure this isn't the last challenge we will ever face in regards to this topic. He has always done such an incredible job adapting to his nub. My heart rejoiced the first time I watched him put toothpaste on his own toothbrush by holding it in his mouth, the first time he put his own socks on (at age 2) by sticking his little nub down in the sock and pulling it open along with his other hand and trying to shove the foot down in there with his nub in the way, I taught him to floss his teeth by wrapping the floss all the way around his nub--it took quite a bit of extra floss, but he did it. I love watching him type on the computer and push keys with his nub.

We're still working on him cutting his own food with a knife, the monkey bars have been postponed until his arm is long enough that his elbow joint can reach, the shoe tying is so beyond me that I just stick with velcro. I secretly keep hoping he will just figure it out his own way one day without any help from his clueless, spaz of a mother.

So, our triumph this week was particularly sweet. Gavin's little friends, who have been riding bikes for a few years now, weren't overly impressed. But, all the adults were so proud. It is the opposition in all things, that makes me fully understand the joy. That is one thing about his defect that I enjoy, it makes me appreciate so many small things that most mothers would take for granted. And yet, as each challenge is presented--some conquered, some still baffling, I realize that this boy has a very complex existence beyond what a 6 year old can comprehend. He's starting to learn a little, but he will have to have so much courage and determination and confidence. When a new school year begins he will have to introduce his handless nub to a whole bunch of new, curious children and he will have to explain again, more often than he would prefer, that "he was born that way." That's all you'll get from him. He is like his father in that he only gives you the necessary information. We are trying to teach him how to laugh and make jokes about it. But, this is his course to navigate, and he will have to find his own coping strategies. Each day, each school year, Mommy will be there less and less, and I already have to let him figure things out on his own.

I just hope that I have done enough, without understanding his plight completely, to instill in him a courage and confidence to face the world. I hope he can be wholly unaffected by all the stares and points (but that's not really realistic), so I hope he is affected by the stares in such a way that he decides "I want to show you that I can do anything I want to do." He has to be brave in ways that I don't always fully acknowledge. But, he is so brave.

Quick, blog before it's too late!

My blogging has been slacking. But, I have lots of good reasons that mainly revolve around the fact that I am a single mother right now who has very little alone time. Also, my toddler has taken to sleeping in my room. . .so I never have access to my good computer during the times (naptime and bedtime) that I can actually work on the computer.

At any rate, I don't actually have much to say, but Janey (my biggest fan and little sister) wanted a blog post. So here it is.

Here are some random musings by me along with a random slew (sp?) of pictures.

1. I thought summer would make it easier to entertain my kids. I thought I could just send them all outside and only have to see them at mealtimes. Nope! Summer is making me crazy. Not only are my children more bored with less to do. . .but now there are also several neighbor kids around that are also bored and looking for something to do. I only have 1 child in school--but he is the one that needs it the most. My oldest son always wants to do "projects," art projects, science projects, and either build or disassessmble something. This child desperately needs the structure of school. And he desperately needs his Daddy who also loves projects. But, right now he is stuck with just me--the parent without any artistic, scientific, or engineering talent nor interest. So. . .I'm on the countdown to 1st grade--all day school, baby, woo hoo!

2. I love cherry coke too much. Like an obese person who can eat 3 large pizzas by themself in one sitting has a "problem with food,"I have a problem with cherry coke. I had terrible anxiety last night when I couldn't get to the store to get what I call my "Sunday stash" of coke. For the most part I have had to stop keeping it at home, because I have no self-control. . .but so as not to break the Sabbath by going to Walker's for a 44ouncer, I usually buy some to make it through the day. My best friend had to bring me 3 cans she had in her food storage at 11pm last night. I told her that she has such unconditional love for me that she would probably buy me heroin if that was my addiction. I love her for bringing me those 3 cans. And I hate myself a little bit for needing them so badly!

3. Children need 2 parents...everyday! I am doing remarkably well being on my own, actually better than I ever would've thought possible. But, my children do much better with 2 parents. They especially like their Daddy, because he is awesome. He does so many things with them that I hate to do--like light saber fighting, building something at the Home Depot workshop, making airplanes out of popsicle sticks, and getting them into bed without raising his voice.

3. Don't take your husband for granted, they do more than you think! I know that not all husbands are helpful with cleaning, cooking, childcare, etc but they do more than you even realize. Please appreciate them! Just having someone there to talk to late at night, or to laugh with, or to slap your behind while you're cooking, or to take late night runs to Wal-mart for children's tylenol. There is nothing better than having someone to share your life with, a partner and a best friend. I have wonderful parents, I have lots of great friends, and a BFF who gives me the coke off her shelf--but, NOBODY HAS MY BACK LIKE MY HUSBAND! He consistently puts my interests and needs above his own. And despite their imperfections, most husbands are like that. Go give your husbands a big hug and kiss and tell them how much you enjoy just having them by your side!

Okay, enough talking, here are the pictures:

Yes, my sweet little girl is wearing her brother's pajamas. All the girlie ones were dirty. Don't judge me, they are lucky to have any clean clothes at this point!

Gavin planted a garden with the help of his Grandpa. I never thought it would grow, the soil there is like concrete. Gavin is so proud (but I don't have the heart to tell him that I don't think the plants will make it to fruition.)

Strawberry days children's parade. They kind of remind me of The Village People-the firefighter, the cowboy, the construction worker, and Spiderman--I think that's how it went, right?

And of course, the one child I don't want outside all day, is the only one who wants to even go outside at all!!

My Box of Chocolates

Yes, the past week or so has definitely been a box of chocolates--good, bad, terrible, delightful, up, down, and all over the place. No matter how bad it got, at times, and how sorry I began to feel for myself, I was regularly reminded how blessed I truly am because many people reached out to serve me in large and small ways so often.


Last week I was feeling discouraged and depressed as it was, and then I broke out into a painful rash all over my head, scalp, neck, ears, and face for 3 days. I had to go to the doctor to get some kind of shot, because benadryl was not working. It was so annoying and frustrating. I was really feeling sorry for myself! Feeling yucky and wallowing in my own misery only made time go by more slowly and made my load seem heavier to bear.

But then there was a bright spot. My brother-in-law got some free tickets to Heber Valley Railroad's "Day Out With Thomas" and gave them to us. Despite feeling crappy, I decided to venture out on my own and take all 3 kids to see Thomas. It was actually a lot of fun. It went unbelievably well. . .all 3 kids cooperated so well! We had a great time! It was so great to go do something fun and free. I am so grateful to my brother-in-law for thinking of us. Sometimes a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. It was so good for all of us!

I wish I could say the rest of the week went great after that, but it didn't. Sunday was awful! My kids were awful--Ruby is still screaming through all 2 hours of nursery. My lesson was definitely not one of my best, I just wanted to get it over with. It was a rough day. I nearly melted down into tears to one of my friends, Amber, who is the Nursery leader. Later on Sunday, she called me and said that she wanted to help because she could tell I was struggling. She offered to come to my house this week, feed my kids dinner, and babysit them for a few hours so I could run errands and go to yoga. WOW! She has 3 kids of her own. She left them with her husband and came to help me. I am so amazed by her charity. She acted like it was no big deal. . .but it was to me!!!

Besides a wonderful friend making my week, I also had a great experience styling another photo shoot this past Monday. The model was one of my good friends and we had a lot of fun. Photo shoots are no small thing, so I'm really grateful that my parents were willing to take my kids for so long so I could be a part of it. It was amazing! Again, I feel humble and blessed to have so many friends and family who are willing to help me. I don't particularly like being always in need of help, but the truth is, I do need help a lot these days. But, the kindnesses shown me this past week really helped get me out of my abyss of self-pity. I am also so impressed by their examples of selfless service, I want to be more like them!

Here is just one cute shot of my friends Amber (model) and Camilla (photographer) from our fun photo shoot. I feel so lucky that I got to work with both of these beautiful, talented girls!

My new thing

So, last time I posted a link to the new beauty/style blog that I started. I hope some of you read it and liked what you read, but there is more to the story than that. Through a series of events (that aren't necessary to talk about for the sake of this story,) I decided that I wanted to learn how to be a stylist. I decided that I wanted to learn to do wardrobe styling for photographers, maybe eventually learn to do make-up artistry, and then apply that knowledge and experience to teaching LDS women and young women about beauty and style within a larger, spiritual context. That is my longer term dream. But, first I have to start somewhere. I went ahead and started an LDS style blog now, even though I'm not really an expert. Right now I can just share my opinions, and hopefully as I gain more knowledge and credibility it will become something cool.

The other part of my dream/idea/plan is to become a stylist. So, I decided to talk to an amazing photographer in my ward, and she is letting me work with her. I feel so completely blessed to have the opportunity to work with her. I don't really know what I'm doing, so I'm just doing my best. She and I worked on our first photo shoot together this past Wednesday. It was incredible and intimidating all at the same time. Some things went well, but some things didn't. One of the looks I put together was specifically designed to go with a Harley that was originally part of the set design, but then the Harley fell through and it was too late to change the look. Oh well, I did my best with what I had to work with. Some things worked, somethings didn't. I definitely learned a lot, and hopefully the next time I'll be even better.

Here are some pictures I took of my experience. I don't think you can get the full effect. You will just have to wait until the photographer has them up on her site. Camilla, the photographer, is so amazing that I'm sure her skill made up for my lack of it!

I had a lot of fun (okay, except for maybe all the mosquitoes.) It reminded me a bit of my short-lived days of being a model. I think I like being behind the camera much better. I hope I become much better at styling than I was at modeling!;)

And just a word about my clothing choices for this shoot--I have been a little torn because I ultimately want teach about styling for LDS women, but I didn't choose clothes that were necessarily garment-friendly, the standard of modesty. Right now I am just learning to be a stylist, and I need to work with both the client and the photographer to find what they want. I don't really get to be pious or picky right now. I don't want to seem hypocritical. Even when I was modeling I had to make the decision that I would be willing to wear "costumes," kind of like a dancer, but only within reason. They weren't always garment appropriate, but they were always tasteful, never overly sexual. I feel the same way now as a stylist. I have full confidence that Camilla Binks, the photographer I am working with, will always do stuff that is in good taste and still in harmony with my beauty ideals.

Camilla is also starting to offer photo shoots to women who just want to look hot and play model for a day. Kind of like a modern "glamour shots." I LOVE this idea, because I think every woman needs to see their own beauty potential. Everyone has more than they even realize! I hope to put together looks for women that make them feel and look amazing. That is the ultimate goal of my whole plan--to help any woman, particularly an LDS woman who has an understanding of her divine nature, to recognize that she is already more beautiful than she knows. Clothing, accessories, and make-up are only tools to help YOU more easily see, and believe in, the innate beauty you've always possessed!

Here is a link to Camilla's website (although as of right now, the shoot I styled is not on the site yet.) www.camillabinks.com

I'm really doing this

I am assuming that I am among friends, I think that only people who consider me a friend would read my blog (but I guess you never know). . .but, in this particular case I might have an easier time opening up to strangers. At any rate, I already posted this on my Facebook page, but I'm also posting it here and if any of you like it, I would love it for you to post a link to it on your blogs as well. No pressure. I won't take it personally, if you don't. It's just that in order for it to be what I envision it to be, I just need a few people to actually read it.

I feel a little self-conscious putting myself out there, but it's just one small step along a new path that I have started paving for myself. There are a whole bunch of facets to my little plan, and the truth is I just need lots of help, support, ideas, feedback, etc from the people who love me. Or just people who have great ideas. I will keep you all posted as I start along my new path, because undoubtedly it will take lots of twists and turns. I'm not usually so ambitious, but I feel inspired to move forward so I am trying to put my head up and confidently take the first step.

So here is my first step, a new blog that ultimately will be a beauty and style blog, with tips and ideas on style that is in harmony with my spiritual beauty ideals. Anyway, so here goes nothing, hope you like it.

www.rubybeauties.blogspot.com

The Bright Side

So, despite my world being turned somewhat upside down, we did have a week of 70 degree weather and it was awesome. So, I'm just going to focus on that for now.

Ruby has discovered the wonderful (and, if you ask me, dangerous) world of our backyard. It freaks me out, but it makes her so happy and she could spend hours out there. Each day I am forced to choose between listening to her scream at the door or letting her brave the great outdoors and risk possible injury. I am trying to find the right balance, because I'm not totally comfortable with either option. You think I wouldn't care as much by child #3, but it still gives me anxiety. Ruby is by far my most fearless child yet.

Sliding down the dirty slide in her new Sunday dress.

This same Sunday afternoon was so warm and beautiful that we decided to take our first family excursion of the season into the mountains. Still too cold to take the Jeep, and I only lasted about an hour, but the kids loved it.

Ruby trying to back herself down into the water. I spent the entire time trying to keep her from completely submergine herself in the icy river.

She would splash her hand in the water and then lick the water on her hand.

Daddy loves the mountains as much as the kids. He's way more fun than I am. The 3 boys all love Nature's playground! I like it too (when all the snow is gone and the temps don't drop below 70 degrees, even in the higher elevations.);)

Hairapy

You know how some people eat too much when they are stressed? Well, I recently realize that one of my coping mechanisms is to change my hair. I have changed my hair a lot, particularly in the last 10 years. But, now it's becoming at least an annual thing.

Each time after I have had a baby, about 6 months after (once I have lost most of the baby weight), I do a hair makeover. I thought it was the fact that during pregnancy I feel hopelessly ugly and like I will never be seen as attractive or sexy again because I have become such a MOM. So, once I'm not pregnant anymore I decide to redefine myself as a WOMAN, and I do so by giving myself a little makeover. It was a post-baby tradition. And then after this most recent makeover, I started looking back at my various hairstyles and realizing that I have changed it way more often than just 3 times (for 3 babies) in the last 6 years.


So, in analyzing my propensity for changing my hair, I have started to wonder if it is perhaps because I am insecure, always searching for that one thing that will make me feel beautiful (maybe somewhat), or if I change it because I am bored (I love being a stay-at-home-mom, but let's be honest, it keeps me pretty cooped up), or if it is like a self-soothing behavior because when I am stressed, afraid, or feeling helpless, I can take control by changing my hair. I don't know. It's probably a little bit of all those things. But, mostly I just do it because it is FUN! It just gives me a boost, a spring in my step, and a reason to put myself together! It's like a little adventure each time I try something new. It's an expression of my personality.



I'm probably overanalyzing. I guess I just wonder why I am so hAirDD, when other people are so content to have the same hairstyle for 15 years. Like my little sister, for example--every time I change my hair I ask her when she's going to cut hers. She always says, "if you have a beautiful face you don't have to change your hair to look good!" She's kidding, I think. ;) Or maybe it's because she shaved her head when she was 13 (even I'm not that adventurous), and she hasn't changed it much since it grew back from that. I think she has post shaved head trauma stress syndrome or something. Whatever her reasons, she has had the same hairstyle for at least the last 7 years. She'll deny it. She's one of those girls that will say, "my hair's not the same, I just cut off like 5 inches and had layers put in" but it looks exactly the same to me. There are a lot of girls like that. I mean, really think about it for a minute, how many hairstyles have you had in the last 10 years? Have you ever changed the color? Which leads me to my bigger question--do you keep the same hairstyle because you are secure and know it is the best for you?. . .or do you keep it because you are too afraid and insecure that you won't look good? Or conversely, do I change my hair all the time because I am very insecure?. . .or do I change it all the time because I am secure enough to try variation? Fascinating. . .the ins and outs of the female psyche, particularly when it comes to beauty. I think about this stuff a lot. What do you think?


I have previously mentioned my issues with my weight and shared pictures of my "fat" days. So, now here are pictures of my various hairstyles (I only have pics from the digital era, I didn't feel like scanning any, so that only covers about that last 8 years, or so.) Hope you get a kick out of them. In fact, if you feel so bold, you can even tell me which of my hairstyles you like best.

This is the current Tiffany hairstyle for Spring 2010. (This is the shortest I've ever been.)


This is the oldest picture on my computer, from about 2002 I would guess. My hair even got longer than this.

This was my first Post-baby Makeover, after baby #1. (circa 2004) It screams "Soccer Mom!"

This was my Post-baby makeover after baby #2 in 2007.

Later in 2007.

After Baby #3, I decided would grow it out really long, so I grew out the bangs, changed the color, and played with loose curls.

Nope, 3 months later decided I was not going to grow it out, time to chop it off. So, this officially qualifies as post-baby #3 hair transformation. This hairstyle (which, I loved most with the curls, but I didn't curl it very often), was the Spring 2009 version. In fact, I got this haircut less than a year ago, and then got the urge to get even more cut off. (I blame it on the job loss!)

And as far as the color goes, I've still always stayed some version of a redhead, because honestly, redheads are awesome! Red definitely is the perfect color for my personality!

Whatever my deepest, psychological reasons are for changing my hair it doesn't change the fact that I enjoy it! It lifts my spirits, and I am a sucker for being told how fabulous I look! So, I want to give a special thank you to those of you who tell me (regardless of my hairstyle) how cute I look. It's amazing how much one little compliment can lift someone up. I need to remember that and dole them out more often, too! Which reminds me, I gotta give the credit for my fabulous new hair (and all of my hairstyles for the past 3 years) to my amazing stylist Stephanie Wolford. She's fabulous!